With school, sports, and other activities cancelled or put on hold parents are bearing the brunt of a huge change in demands for time and energy.

Routines seem to be a thing of the past with rules changing regularly and the need for lockdowns to come into place with only a moment’s notice. This has often meant that structured rest and self-care has been thrown by the wayside.

Now, for short and occasional periods of time getting out of routines and sacrificing self-care time isn’t the end of the world. However, the regularity and extended nature of these interruptions in our lives mean that these things are being neglected often – and that is having an ongoing effect on every member of the family.

When we are stressed regularly, and for longer periods of time, it starts to affect our behaviour as well as our wellbeing. With lockdown rules creating a very specific type of stress, we need to have a nuanced and multi-pronged method of dealing with it.

Parenting Strategies to Help Lessen Pandemic Stress

Why dealing with pandemic stress is particularly important for children.

We are all suffering the effects of this pandemic, regardless of our age, but as adults, we already have the basis for coping mechanisms in place and benefit from not only understanding on a deeper level why these precautions are necessary but also from already having our baseline set from our own childhood.

It is easy to think, “the kids will be fine, they don’t know how uncertain the world is right now”, or, “they’ll cope, kids, are tough.” Though it is true that most children, especially young children, don’t grasp the magnitude of what we are going through – all that means is that everything has changed for them and they don’t know why, which causes more stress.

There is plenty of research to show that children who experience adversity during childhood can suffer long term effects. Kids who face abuse, neglect, conflict, or trauma can have trouble relating to others, forming friendships, succeeding academically, as well as developing physical and mental health problems in adolescence and into adulthood.

However, it has been shown that protective and nurturing experiences are effective in preventing stress in children and helping them to cope with adversity in the future.

These eleven methods will help you to keep your kids mentally and emotionally safe and strong during these trying times that we have found ourselves in.

1. Connect within the family unit

This may seem like an obvious thing but it is easily overlooked. When we are staying home and spending a lot of time physically with one another it can be easy to neglect being together emotionally.

Make time to talk to one another, listen actively, and create time for play without distractions. Plan on activities to do together, rather than things that will keep them entertained alone.

Working from home does form a challenge when it comes to this. See if you can take regular structured breaks from work to interact with your child. This shows them that not only are you there for them but making an effort to engage. An added bonus is that it gets you up and out of your chair

Knowing that they are valued, loved unconditionally, and are worth making the effort for has a huge effect on children’s wellbeing.

2. Help them stay in touch with friends

Kid’s can lose social skills and friendships quicker than adults, so we must ensure that they continue to interact with kids their own age and maintain the friendships they have formed already.

Depending on your restrictions, you could organize outside and social distanced game or form a bubble with another close family who you know are also following safety guidelines.

If this isn’t an option, then getting kids to connect online through video chats as well as fun activities like games is a good support option.

Interacting with peers allows kids to decompress, lower stress, as well as maintain those social connections and learn from their friends how other families are dealing with the pandemic.

3. Take the opportunity to teach children about helping others

While helping others is a lesson everyone should learn and practice regularly, using the time we are spending at home to sort out old toys and clothes for donation, work as a team to spring clean, or build something together can help kids build empathy and deepen their understanding of others needs.

When we do something that benefits the whole community, even when it isn’t fun for us personally, we build on that community and strengthen social ties and responsibility – all great lessons for children to learn.

4. Help them stay involved in clubs and teams

It may seem impossible to have a club meeting when in-person meetups aren’t safe, but meeting online supports many of the benefits that meeting in person does.

Special interest clubs like fishing or hiking, book clubs or video gaming groups, as well as pursuits like painting or crafting help kids create a community of their own. It promotes a group support network, personal character development, and can even help them with their academic success.

5. Keeping in touch with adults

The influence of teachers, aunts and uncles, and grandparents on the developing brain is huge. When we give children these adult role models, they learn how they are expected to act as they grow up. In addition to having a positive influence on their own merits, extended family members and trusted adults help form a support network to who the child can turn in times of stress or just to talk about problems. This can help the child to feel more supported and loved, as well as providing a little relief for parents who are working more or have other obligations.

6. Keep kids taking part in their hobbies

Just because there’s a pandemic doesn’t mean kids should drop their hobbies. Hobbies can teach kids resilience, provide them with leisure time, and most importantly – stop them from getting bored. Help kids to discover hobbies they can enjoy at home. Whether this is painting, writing, photography, an instrument, or a sport it can provide invaluable development and entertainment.

7. Keep everyone on their toes

Being physically active is important not only to your physical health but to your mental health too. By getting up and getting the heart pumping you promote mood boosts, physical health, and entertainment. This doesn’t mean you have to start a callisthenics family workout in the lounge room every day – it can mean playing tag in the back yard, playing active video games, learning yoga, or just a socially distanced bike ride through the park.

8. Make time for rest

When we are all staying home it might seem unnecessary to set aside time for rest, but when we abandon routine and relax all of the time it can actually create more stress.

When we binge watch tv or play video games for days on end, we end up not actually relaxing during those activities. Similar to an all you can eat buffet – once you’ve eaten your fill and you go back for more just because you can, the food is not as enjoyable and you end up feeling sick.

Set aside time for free play, relaxation, and rest. When we vary our days around productivity and rest time, we actually get the full benefit of that rest.

9. Create new routines

With the loss of external routines, it can be easy to let breakfast time, bedtime, and what to do in between, slip. By creating a routine and sticking to it, it tells kids that they’re safe. It can also help reduce arguments, boredom, and worry.

Work together to make a routine that works for everyone. The most basic of these routines can be a decision on how to go to bed every night. Maybe you decide to brush your teeth, read the next chapter in your book together and list three things you enjoyed from the day before saying goodnight.

Having little rituals like this can help with good sleep and good mental health, not to mention preventing bedtime tantrums because when kids know what to expect they are less stressed about doing it.

If your kids now require school from home, you can integrate this into your routine planning and help kids succeed academically by supporting their new way of schooling.

10. Be realistic – and compassionate – about schooling

Learning online can be difficult, but especially so for kids who have not experienced it before. It is a learning curve for parents too so having a routine and expectations set out at the start of the day makes it easier for everyone.

Remember, this is a difficult time for all involved including teachers. Know that your child is getting the best possible education while staying safe. Standards may change, grades may fall, but helping your child through a global crisis and maintaining their learning and wellbeing is more important than a letter grade.

Take the opportunity to teach them things they wouldn’t necessarily learn in the classroom. For example cooking, dancing, and gardening can help them apply math’s skills, motor skills, and patience. Read with your child daily. Not only is this a fantastic bonding experience it helps them with their reading comprehension, imagination, and – if you’re reading out loud – their verbal skills.

11. Stay Safe and Healthy

By keeping your home clean and adhering to the protection measures in place you are helping to stay safe. There is more that you can do though. Take this opportunity to talk to your kids about staying healthy, eating nutritiously, and looking after our bodies.

Keeping our bodies strong also means keeping our mind strong. So, by talking openly and communicating, creating clean and organized spaces for work and play, and checking in emotionally with each other regularly we teach kids to look after their mental health as well as their physical health.

Remember, every family is different.

Just because other families bought new devices for everyone in the family, or new bikes for the kids, or are cooking extensive lunches every day doesn’t mean your family has to do those things too.

Many families already do the majority of the things discussed here, but with the added pressure of restrictions and changes to their lives too, parents may be finding it harder than they used to – and that’s ok.

We are all learning how to deal with the changes this virus has brought, so take the opportunity to implement some of the things discussed here. All in all, helping your kids feel loved and supported is the highest priority – everything else can be worked out as we go.

Emergency and help lines

APP – MyRivr
Description:

Everyone knows someone in need, whether it's a family member, a school or work friend, an associate or someone that you meet as you are going about daily life. Perhaps you do not know where to find help. MyRivr uses your location details to be able to provide you with the exact service providers close to you should you need support or need a nearby agency.

About MyRivr

As an ex-cop and gang member, Akerei (Rei) Maresala-Thomson has spent time witnessing the struggles and challenges of the New Zealand community

After 12 years serving with the NZ Police, Rei resigned from his role as Senior Sergeant in Charge of the Pacific, Ethnic and Asian portfolio for Counties Manukau in March, 2017.

He has made it his mission to continue confronting issues, and trying to improve Pacific wellbeing in NZ – but this time he is using technology.

Rei is now the Technical Advisor for free app MYRIVR, a self-funded and volunteer managed concept from the community which was developed and released in 2015 by Corefusion Limited as MASA (Multi-Agency Services Application) to assist in a successful trial with Counties Manukau Police.

MYRIVR is now NZ’s largest in-app directory of community services, enabling visibility and instant access to more than 20,000 helpers and over 7,000 health and social services around the country.

Website Address:
New Zealand Police Call in emergency 111
Description:

If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk,

call 111

 

Website Address:
whatsup.co.nz
Description:

www.whatsup.co.nz

Call: 0800 WHAT’S UP (0800 942 8787)

Call: Mon-Fri: 12pm-11pm, Sat & Sun: 3pm-11pm

Online Chat: Mon-Fri: 1pm-10pm, Sat & Sun: 3pm-10pm

Website Address:
Youthline
Description:

Need support or want to talk? Contact Youthline.

Free Text 234

Email: talk@youthline.co.nz

Website Address:
Lifeline
Description:

Lifeline's telephone counselling service provides 24 hour a day, 7 day a week counselling and support. Calls are confidential and free and you will speak to a trained Lifeline counsellor.

Phone: 522 2999 (within Auckland)
Phone: 0800 543 354 (outside Auckland)

Website Address:
Keeping Your Kids Safe Online
Description:

Information for parents on creating a safe online learning and social environment for your children at home.

Website Address:
Netsafe Cyberbullying
Description:

Information and advice about cyberbullying for young people, parents and teachers.

Website Address:
Police Kia Kaha bullying programme for schools
Description:

Kia Kaha is a school-based programme that aims to help schools create environments where all members of the community feel safe, respected and valued, and where bullying cannot flourish.

Website Address:
Depression helpline
Description:

Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions).
This includes includes The Journal online help service.

Website Address:
Depression helpline
Description:

An online e-therapy tool provided by the University of Auckland that helps young people learn skills to deal with feeling down, depressed or stressed.

Website Address:
Sexuality or gender identity helpline
Description:

Provides confidential telephone support.
Helplines for children and young people

Website Address:
Sexuality or gender identity helpline
Description:

What's Up – 0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds).
Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, midday–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm.
Online chat is available 7pm–10pm daily.

Website Address:
Depression Helpline 24 hours a day
Description:

Depression Helpline (8am to midnight) Phone: 0800 111 757

Samaritans Phone: 0800 726 666

Suicide Crisis Helpline Phone: 0508 828 865

Alcohol and Drug Helpline
Description:

Alcohol and Drug Helpline – 0800 787 797 or online chat

Website Address:
Family Violence Helpline
Description:

Are You OK – 0800 456 450 family violence helpline

Website Address:
Gambling Helpline
Description:

Gambling Helpline – 0800 654 655

Website Address:
Anxiety
Description:

Anxiety phone line – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)

Seniorline
Description:

A free information service for older people
Phone: 0800 725 463

Wellbeing Service
Description:

0508MUSICHELP – The Wellbeing Service is a 24/7 online, on the phone and in-person counselling service fully funded by the NZ Music Foundation and provided free of charge to those in the Kiwi music community who can't access the help they need due to hardship and other circumstances. Call 0508 MUSICHELP.

Domestic abuse helpline
Description:

Shine – 0508 744 633 confidential domestic abuse helpline

Smoking cessation help
Description:

Quit Line – 0800 778 778 smoking cessation help

Vagus Line
Description:

Vagus Line – 0800 56 76 666 (Mon, Wed, Fri 12 noon – 2pm).
Promote family harmony among Chinese, enhance parenting skills, decrease conflict among family members (couple, parent-child, in-laws) and stop family violence

Women’s Refuge Crisisline
Description:

Women's Refuge Crisisline – 0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE) (for women living with violence, or in fear, in their relationship or family)

Shakti Crisis Line
Description:

Shakti Crisis Line – 0800 742 584 (for migrant or refugee women living with family violence)

Rape Crisis
Description:

Rape Crisis – 0800 883 300 (for support after rape or sexual assault)

Website Address:
Warmlines for consumers of mental health services – Canterbury and West Coast
Description:

Free peer support services for people experiencing mental illness or those supporting them
Canterbury and West Coast – 03 379 8415 / 0800 899 276 (1pm to midnight, seven nights)

Warmlines for consumers of mental health services – Wellington
Description:

Free peer support services for people experiencing mental illness or those supporting them
Wellington 0800 200 207 (7pm–1am, Tuesday to Sunday)

Warmlines for consumers of mental health services – Auckland Central
Description:

Free peer support services for people experiencing mental illness or those supporting them
Auckland Central 0508 927 654 or 0508 WARMLINE (8pm to midnight, seven nights)

Mental Health Crisis Helpline
Description:

Mental Health Crisis Helpline - 0800 800 717

Depression
Description:

Depression and anxiety affects us all differently.
Free 24/7 Helpline: 0800 111 757 Text 4202

Website Address:
Lifeline
Description:

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland

Youthline
Description:

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat

Samaritans
Description:

Whatever you're going through, call us any time on 0800 726 666.

Website Address:
Suicide Crisis Helpline
Description:

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
What's Up – 0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds).
Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, midday–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm. Online chat is available 7pm–10pm daily.

Kidsline
Description:

Kidsline – 0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age. Open 24/7.

Sexuality or gender identity helpline
Description:

thelowdown.co.nz – Phone: 0800 111 757 or email team@thelowdown.co.nz or free text 5626

Website Address:
Supporting Families in Mental Illness
Description:

Supporting Families in Mental Illness - 0800 732 825.

Mental health services – Ministry of Health
Description:

We all face challenges to our mental health at various times in our lives. The way we’re feeling can change how we think and how we deal with tough times.

There’s a range of resources and services available to help including phone and online services and information, as well as face-to-face support.

Most services are free and provide information and confidential advice from trained professionals. There's also information for family, whānau, or friends if they need advice and support.

If you’re told that there is a waiting time for a service, please still reach out and make contact. Other supports can be put in place – ask what you can try in the meantime.

 

Helplines for children and young people

Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to talk to a trained counsellor.

To talk to a trained counsellor 24/7 call the Depression helpline – 0800 111 757.

To get help from a registered nurse 24/7 call Healthline – 0800 611 116.

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.

What's Up  – 0800 942 8787, (for 5–18-year-olds). Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, 1 pm–10 pm and on weekends, 3 pm–10 pm. Online chat is available from 7 pm–10 pm daily.

Website Address: